When Gratitude Outweighs the Regret
By GaryB1
I first drank alcohol at a late age—16—and like many of us, I fell in love.
I had already spent two years in a juvenile institution at this point due to my “incorrigibility” at home. I didn’t see then that the state knew my alcoholism well in advance and had quite a few geographical changes planned for my future. By the time I turned 35, nearly half of my life had been spent behind bars.
It astounds me now that I never really learned my lesson through all of this. I am not a dumb person but continuing to use in the face of these adverse consequences seems utterly stupid to me today. And it got worse. Much worse.
I was in my mid-twenties when I first remember someone telling me that I needed to get help with my drinking. I went to a few of those AA meetings and then went and got some help—lots of my friends were willing to share the drink and drugs.
I was literally on the brink of death when I finally came back to the rooms of AA and NA. I really didn’t want to have to face and deal with all of this stuff, but it came to a place where I knew that if I didn’t get bare-bones-raw honest, I was gonna die a death I didn’t want to die. With a tiny thread of willingness I told my boss that I was ready to do whatever it took.
I went through detox and rehab and shortly after my discharge I found Sober24. I quickly and fortunately found a great sponsor and a good home group, and have spent many hours here in addition to the f2f meetings I attend regularly. Was it any one of these things or is it the combination that has saved my life? I can’t answer that, but I know that the life I live today far exceeds the quality of life I ever had out there. One thing I still struggle with is the regret of having wasted all of those years and opportunities, but even that is outweighed by the gratitude I have for being alive and clean and sober today. I see people in rehabs today with the same kind of attitude I had when I skipped on through so many years ago, and I want to grab them and somehow get it through to them that they don’t have to waste all of that time, that they could begin a quality of life right now that they have not even imagined. But then I’m not the only one with a hard head. I’m learning to pray and take it a step at a time.