Wednesday, November 28, 2007
‘Always in our
prayers’
I am not
sure if I should be writing this or not. My daughter is having a drinking
problem as well as dealing with depression. I have given her your web address
and, hopefully, she will use it.
We live
about 200 miles apart and we talk by phone at least three times a week. I try
to keep her spirits up and I have asked her to come and stay with us for a
while. My husband and I are not able to help her financially as we live on a
very limited income and our expenses for meds are quite high. But, we are here
for her and she is always in our prayers.
Thanks for listening.
Jean
‘Things are getting out of hand’
I just
learned of this website through the latest issue of Guideposts Magazine.
I am a 54-year-old RN and the mother of two sons, ages 34 and 30, whom I love
with all I have. I have been married to my dear husband for 27 years. He
took all of us in to his home and his heart when the boys were 2 and 5 years
old, and has loved them as his own.
My son's
father is an alcoholic/drug abuser and many of his family also struggle with
alcoholism. My dad, who recently died, was also an alcoholic. I do believe alcoholism
is a disease with strong family tendencies. I also believe anyone has the
ability to be sober if he chooses to be.
My older
son is in many ways a very good young man. He has two children, ages 9 and 15,
and a 17-year-old step-daughter he has raised since she was 2. He
divorced their mom when their last child was 6 months old when it was found
that she was not his daughter. (A very hard time for all.) He shares custody of
his kids and is an active and involved parent. He works for my husband as an
oilfield contractor. He also, I am sad to say, is an alcoholic. And
things are getting out of hand.
My husband
spoke with him several months ago about issues at work and the fact that he
felt there was a definite drinking problem. My son was teary and humble, yet in
firm denial about the drinking. More recently there have been more work
related problems. My husband is at wits end and has had enough. He simply
doesn't know what else to do other than to fire him.
I support
my husband in this matter, but both of us are very concerned about the
grandkids. Unfortunately, my son knows of our concern and love for them
and through the years has used that to his advantage.
It is way
past the time for tough love. I am sure we have enabled much more than I care
to admit. I know the 3 C's of Al-Anon: we didn’t cause it, we can’t control it,
and we can’t cure it. But, we need
help; he needs help. And we know he
has to want that help.
Anonymous
‘All alone’
I don't
know where to start it's been such a long, drawn out ordeal.
I have been
drinking more and more these past 3 to 4 years. I can't stop. I'll go three
days and it hits again.
I have been to counselors, AA, sponsor work,
etc., etc., and I still drink.
I have given myself to God sooo many times,
but just feel all alone, like I'm being punished for something. I see so many
people just up and stop, giving it all to God and their lives move on, mine
moves backwards.
I don't know what to do.
Joel
‘I didn’t know what healthy was’
Although I
am not an alcoholic or addict, I have all the same behaviors. I grew up in a
family that grew up in a family that was flooded with alcoholism. All of my
brothers and sisters have a problem. I tried so hard to fit in and be a drunk
or an addict myself, but I just couldn’t do it. I failed -- but I must add that
I did not fail at being co-dependent. Like the addict or alcoholic uses
drinking or drugs, I used the addict or alcoholic!
It seemed
only natural then for me to marry an alcoholic. This is all I knew. I could
never have met a healthy man because I didn’t know what healthy was. I actually
was sicker than the addicts in my life.
Today,
however, I have so much gratitude toward my family of origin and my now ex
husband because I would not have what I do in my life if not for them. It has
not been easy looking at my stuff, taking responsibility and owning my part in
the alcoholism that existed in my family. But life has been better because of
it.
I have not
wanted to murder anyone since I walked into the doors of Al-Anon and ACOA
(Adult Children of Alcoholics). Over the years, I have volunteered my time at
all the St. Paul Hospitals here in Minnesota
and have had the honor of working with people who have this disease, as well as
seniors, adults, and children who have been affected. Like I said, I have so
much to be grateful for!
In terms of
my health, a number of years ago I had a ruptured brain aneurysm that left me
with a 10% chance of making it. The doctors told me if I did survive I would be
in a vegetative state. But, I beat the odds.
And more
recently, God has placed an addict/alcoholic in my life today who was still
using when I met him. But with the gift of God's love and the power of the
program, I have watched another miracle take place before my eyes. I am not the
reason he quit -- all I did was love him through it. We are going to get
married in April of 2008. The secret I have learned about addicts is not to
tell them what to do but to show them that they are worthy and to love them
through their disease.
I don't
sweat the small stuff anymore. Walking in love is my motto -- or is that
detaching with love? I do both and they seem to work for me.
Linda M.
‘We are a happy
family’
I am an
inactive (I hope that is the right word) alcoholic for about 30 years. My
husband and I are both alcoholics. Through the grace of God and daily meetings
(sometimes 2 per day and weekends) we have been sober and life has never been
better.
During our
drinking time we had a lot of trouble with our children due to our
alcoholism. Thank God they have all forgiven us and we are a happy family now.
My husband
and I have been married for 53 years (I am 79 years young). It was so good to
read all the stories on this site and I hope and pray that everyone will have
the pleasure and dreams for a sober life.
Thank you
for the chance of hearing my story.
Anonymous