My sponsor always said to write it down, everything. I want to tell my story and will at my home group. I want everyone to know what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. I have been in and out of AA doors for the past 6 years. As I was later told, I was attending the AA meetings but I was not living the fellowship. I now understand what that statement really means.
My latest story, and hopefully my last story, began last summer. The summer of 2011 changed my life forever and it’s worth talking about to old and new comers of AA. That summer was hard for me. I began drinking, a little, and of course depression set in with me. I had been drunk for 3 days, and knew I needed help and reached out, but no help was returned. Called doctor’s but don’t remember if I made an appointment or not. I called my sister-in-law, after I was good and drunk and knew I could not go any longer. She rescued me and I ended up in detox for 3 days and do not remember 2 of those days. This was June 29th.
Got out and decided that was enough of this crap. My first time in detox, that was bottom for me, at least I thought it was. To my surprise, I hit the drinking road again in a month. It was August the 13th. I was in a great mood; nothing was bothering me and went for a ride with my Lab, and I hit the liquor store. I crashed and burned on my way home. I totaled my truck, throwing my dog out of the truck during the roll. I was taken to the hospital, examined and released without a scratch on me. I had sore muscles from being thrown around the truck. I should have died but there must be a reason for me being here. Oh, and my dog showed up two days later, limping, and still has a limp this day.
I called an AA friend that I had been asking to be my sponsor for the past 6 months or so. He did not think it was a good idea because of our sexes. I didn’t care! I can talk to him and after some time, he decided to take me on as a sponsee. I was in South Dakota during this time and my sponsor and I spoke 3 to 4 times a day. I was given assignments and did them religiously. I was reading and absorbing the words I read, instead of just reading them. He praised me daily for my progress in the program. I was on top of the world. My sponsor got me involved in the membership of AA. He encouraged me to suggest a Big Book meeting and one of my AA brothers, Eric, in SD, did just that the same night.
I was only visiting, sort of. I spend the summers in SD. I knew that my involvement in helping would only be temporary so I was thrilled when another member came up with the idea. Several of us meet, and our first meeting was on 9/3/11. A donation was received so we were able to order AA and 12 & 12 books and other materials and supplies. Our second meeting, a visitor from out of town shows up and we inquire on how he found out about our meeting. We had not advertised at the time for we were still working the cobwebs out; such as officers and a name for our meeting. He stated that he called the AA number in the phone book and was told of our meeting. That didn’t happen, I called the next day and no one knew of our meeting, God sent him to us.
Our meetings began with 5 or 6 original members and on the 4th meeting we had 17 people in a very small room. Among those were people from the area and out of town. It was a great feeling to know that we had begun an AA Beginners Big Book study and it was taking off like the beginning of a new day; fresh and exciting. Our name is “The Lost N Found.” The feeling of this fellowship is so strong, it’s almost scary. Well, it would be scary, if I didn’t have my friend by my side, “God.”
I believe in Steps 1 and 2, deeply and in reading Step 3 again, for the 100th time. The spiritual emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. I honestly felt like a spirit entered my body, stopped at my heart, and goose pimples were everywhere. I got it, “I gave my life and my will over to God” that moment and I knew right then that I was going to be okay and I was going to beat this disease and live. As an AA friend says, “this is one disease that I can put into remission.” I meditated daily and came to realize that you have to live, breathe and eat AA, to survive. Just to read a little something, daily, in regards to Alcoholics Anonymous was the only way to begin my day and of course a morning conversation with my higher power, God, always put a big smile on my face.
I knew I was going to have a problem with Step 4. I did not think I held resentments toward other people. It was interesting but I got through it, for now, I know there is more to come when my brain continues to become clearer and I will tackle those issue as well. Resenting other people, in my life, was very difficult for me. I was taught, “Don’t worry about the small stuff.” If someone pisses you off, forget it, get over it and go on. I took the time to look back in my past and list people, institutions or principles with whom I was angry. It was hard but “Yes” there were resentments and most of these were toward me. I was thrilled when I got to the part, in the Big Book, where I looked for my own mistakes. The inventory was mine, no one else’s. Now, this I could deal with. I did not steal, cheat or harm others physically in my drunkenness. I hurt friends and family emotionally.
I just want to thank my sponsor for opening the doors to the pathway of my new life. I understand now that when he said that helping another alcoholic through the steps was helping him stay sober too. I didn’t understand this statement at first but now I know that without new comers, new stories to hear, people to assist in seeing the meaning and the fellowship of AA, I guess we would all be doomed. We have to continue our assistance to ourselves and others for us to remain sober. I understand that now. Thank you. A good friend of mine said, “Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real.”