SPOTLIGHT ON…
Saved By a Cat
Anonymous

When I got to high school, I was self-conscious, had braces, didn’t make friends easily...then on my 16th B-Day I discovered what all the fuss about the drink was. Had my first drink(s), became brave, outgoing, "fun" -- and drunk. Liked it so much that I became a regular at the military base bars nearby, drinking and dancing until closing.

At 16 and 4 months I decided to marry a guy from the Navy base. I became pregnant within 3 months and tried to be a good wife and mother -- an "adult" -- even though I didn't have any idea how to do that. I don't regret having my daughter. She is my one saving grace, the love of my life. But to get back to my story...the husband and I split up after 2 years, and 2 more years later we were divorced. During that time I continued to party at all hours, leaving my little girl with sitters, sometimes all night. Then I met another man, thought I was in love, got pregnant...and then got dumped. Gave birth to a baby boy 3 months early. He only weighed 1lb 14oz and had to stay in an incubator for 3 months.

I didn't drink during my pregnancy, except for one night. I still feel guilty over that, since I'll never know if it had anything to do with my son's premature birth.

I tried to work, but I made a lousy cocktail waitress and got fired. I couldn't make a living, since I didn't have a diploma or any job skills, and was looking at an eviction for non-payment of rent, having spent most of my money and energy back at the base clubs getting drunk and feeling sorry for myself.

I woke up one morning to find my 4 year-old-daughter trying to feed my baby boy some cold, leftover stew. That was my wake-up call to save my children from me. I tried to find someone in my family to take my babies, but there wasn't anyone that could do a better job at that time, so I turned my daughter back over to her father because he had a home and stable environment, a job, etc.... I searched my soul regarding my son, and decided to turn him over to the state for adoption. I loved them so much I didn't want to ruin their lives too. They deserved better. It killed me, but I found a good home for him with 2 parents, both with good educations and jobs, a house, religion, everything my son could need. He would even have a brother his age.

I lost most of my friends, my self-respect, my heart. I spent as much time as I could drinking and partying to forget, to numb the pain. I was now 24, and married for the 3rd time. About 1 1/2 years into this marriage, my husband informed me that he had a girlfriend and that she was pregnant! Talk about your bad karma. I went even deeper into the bottle, and now had full-blown depression. I wanted to die.

I met another man and we moved in together, and (yes, much to my dismay) got married a year later. My Mom became sick in the meantime, and killed herself, right after husband #4 left me. Or maybe I left him. I don't really remember.

One month later I was drunk and using duct tape to hook up the vacuum cleaner hose to the exhaust pipe on my car and just end it. My cat saved my life. Thumper, who never liked to be held, jumped up in my lap while I was sitting in my car getting ready to start it and crying my eyes out. He purred and "talked" to me for a couple of hours. I poured out all my pain and grief to that poor cat...and he sat there and listened. I never did start the car.

But, I didn’t stop drinking, and before long I got a huge bottle of wine and some razor blades, got totally smashed...and then called a help line I'd found in the phone book. I was miserable, but I guess I wasn't ready to die yet. A wonderful man listened to me pour out my life's story and hours later I got rid of the razors and attempted to pull myself together. I started working regularly and calling my daughter more often, and I really tried to get it together. I was doing pretty well, and my girl wasn't doing so well at home with her father, so she moved in with me. The second chance to be her mother helped me stay with my job and I didn't feel so miserable. I had a legitimate reason to live, and my drinking dropped to "once in a while.”

Before long, I began to have blackouts and did some pretty crazy things. I finally realized that I had to do something about my problem. A fellow I knew had mentioned once before that he is a recovering alcoholic, so I asked him about AA and he took me to my first meeting. I finally got up the courage to admit that I'm an alcoholic and ask for help and turn my life over to a higher power. This was the first time I'd felt calm, like a weight had been lifted off me. I truly do not ever want to drink again. I know that I am powerless over alcohol and the only life for me is one without it!